Holy Moly!

Yesterday was the day that I announced to the world that we are indeed having baby #5 and it is another boy. I was disappointed for all of 5 seconds that it was not a girl because a girl would have been really nice for Caitlin, but he is very healthy and we are very excited. I never wanted to be a mother of more than 4 kids. Mike would have at least 6 if not more and he has been trying to get me to have another ever since Conner was 1. I was bound and determined to not have anymore and was very clear to him that it was never going to happen. I guess that I should never say never.
About a year and a half ago, I was at Costco with Mike and there was a little tiny baby screaming in his mother's arms and for the first time ever in my life I wanted a baby, like baby hunger. Don't get me wrong, I wanted all of my kids, but I have never been baby hungry. Each child has come to us because it either made sense like spacing 2 years apart or like Corbin, comes unexpectedly. I told Michael how I felt and he got all giddy and said that we needed to have another one. To which I replied, "HECK NO". Only I think that I used a stronger word than that. I expressed to him that having another one didn't make sense. Conner was potty trained and we were free of babies forever and there was no looking back. Then I told him that my heart expressed a different feeling and I didn't understand it. Mike told me that when my heart and mind came together than we would know that we needed to add another child to our family. I just made up my mind that I would never tell him if that ever happened because I was done.
Fast forward to about 6 months ago.
Things really started to not make sense to me when the idea of having another baby was on my mind 24/7. I was constantly thinking about it and I was really upset. If I would be late and take a pregnancy test and it would turn out negative, I would feel really sad. Because of this, I decided it was time to pray about it. I got on my knees and asked if we should add another child to our family and I didn't get an answer. I think that it was because I already knew what the answer was, but I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I was looking for a "sign." A couple of weeks later I prayed about it again, but this time I prayed that I would have the courage to tell Mike that I wanted another baby. I knew that the second I told him we would instantly be pregnant and I really just wanted to discuss it with him and get some input. I finally gained the courage to tell him a couple of weeks later and to my surprise he told me that he was just getting used to the idea that we were not going to have any more and was considering a vasectomy. I told him that he needed to pray about it alone and that we should pray together. Then one night on his way home from work he called and told me that he felt like we should have another and the rest is history.
I have always had my life planned out. So far none of it has happened the way that I planned, but that is life right? I have no control. Heavenly Father knows me and the way things will turn out according to the choices that I make. Sure, I could have ignored all the feelings that I had had over the course of a year, but I could not deny them. They were too strong and I felt that if I did ignore them than I was making a big mistake. There is a reason and purpose for this baby. There is also a reason that he is a boy and not a girl. I may never know what the reason is, but I feel very satisfied that we have made the right decision.
I feel really old this time. I am turning 35 in September and I always wanted to be done with my child bearing years by 30. And I had Conner in April before my 31st birthday. Another plan gone not as planned but it's okay. We are really happy. Now we just need to come up with a name since I have about a million girl names but I have exhausted the boy name pool. It was a miracle that we both agreed on Conner's name. Holy Moly I am going to be a mother of 5 kids!:)